Today, I went to court. Everyone told me I should go to court. That I should plead “Not Guilty” to the charge of rear-ending a Jetta. Actually, I was charged with “improper acceleration,” which is police-speak for rear-ending a Jetta.
The man who owns the Jetta I allegedly improperly accelerated into called me to tell me he had no intention of going to court. He said the police officer told him he had no intention of going to court, either. He told me to go to court and the case would be dismissed.

Having never been the alleged cause of an improper acceleration before, I had no idea what one was supposed to do. So, I did the sensible thing: I asked my therapist. She told me to go to court. I asked what I should plead. She said, “Not Guilty.”

So, I decided I would go to court. We can’t really afford the fine and I had the time. Then, for weeks, my mind twisted in the wind as I struggled with the idea of saying “Not Guilty” to a judge (I mean, really, A JUDGE!!!) when I knew it was me that improperly accelerated into the Jetta.

Today was the court date. Last night I didn’t sleep, worried about how exactly the karmic retribution would manifest itself.

I got to court. I waited my turn, sweating and sickening as I pondered saying, “Not Guilty.” I was called before the judge, who asked me to turn to face the court as a clerk asked for witnesses to my disgusting action. None appeared. I turned back to the judge who said, “They are dismissing the charges; you are free to go. Have a nice day.”

I left. I’m trying to have a nice day while I worry about the karmic retribution I’ll suffer for even pondering perfidy.