Tag: life

  • Boiling Water and Other Premium Adult Skills

    Boiling Water and Other Premium Adult Skills

    My daughter recently declared that I am a “premium adult.” I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I like the sound of it. Apparently, I have skills and knowledge above the beginner level, though I don’t check all the boxes.

    For instance, I don’t have matching towel sets or feel smug about my multiple drawer and cabinet organizers. But I do use cloth napkins, have retirement accounts, keep folders for current and past taxes, and hold strong opinions on the proper way to fold a fitted sheet. Bonus points: I’ve figured out you can make a bed using only flat sheets—it’s easier, and they fit every time. Folding problem solved.

    Premium adults know things newbie adults don’t. My kids were shocked to discover their dishwashers have filters. They were even more shocked (and maybe a little grossed out) to learn those filters need cleaning. They weren’t surprised that I knew this and do it. They haven’t.

    Their questions cover the full spectrum of “How do I adult?”—from choosing a doctor from a vast HMO list to eliminating the lingering cat pee smell left by a roommate. My solutions aren’t always popular. One child had to replace carpet. The other still hasn’t made the doctor’s appointment.

    Some issues are laughable to fellow premium adults. Take boiling water. It sounds foolproof, but it requires surprising amounts of skill, knowledge, and courage. Step one: overcome fear of open flame. Step two: know what size pot to use, how much water to add, how high the flame should be, and what “boiling” actually looks like.

    Sure, you could Google it, but apparently, a lot of people still don’t know. One YouTube tutorial on boiling water has 1.9 million views. Pasta-cooking videos abound, each with its own rules. Mine: add a tablespoon of salt, never oil, and stir to prevent sticking. But why would you when your mother is a premium adult.

    My son calls for cooking help, too—mainly to decipher the sloppy cursive and minimal directions in my family recipe book. My chili recipe lists ingredients but offers only: Brown the meat. Add everything else. Simmer until flavors blend. I’ve also coached him through replacing a water heater, repairing siding, and banishing the infamous cat pee smell.

    I’m not bullet proof, though. Recently, my son had to bow out of a family fun night. We seldom have all four of us in the same location now that the kids have flown the nest. Happily, everyone’s schedule came together so we could celebrate our daughter’s birthday. She requested hot dogs grilled by her brother. He was all on board, then he wasn’t. The night before the celebration, he texted to say he felt sick. By morning, he had fever, aches, congestion—the works.

    While in Meijer with my daughter, I took his call. He listed his symptoms and mentioned his temperature. A few seconds later, my brain caught up, and I texted back my “premium” alarm:

    “That’s a high fever. Take Tylenol or ibuprofen. Call me in 30 minutes. If it’s not down, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

    Thirty minutes later, he replied:

    “Mom, I think you misheard me. It’s 100.4°, not 104°.”

    Side note: My children insist I need hearing aids. I insist they mumble. The ear doctor sided with me—they mumble.

    To my credit, 104° is an emergency. 100.4° barely registers. It’s a “why are you even calling me?” temperature. But I know why he was calling.

    When you’re sick, you miss your mom—premium or not.

  • Officially Old

    My husband has been listening to the Beatles lately. He’s also declared that he is very old; he’s 78. That sounds very old if you are not near that age but doesn’t sound old if you are. I’m 66. That sounds old to some, especially my students who think 25 is old but most of them just turned seven.

    I don’t feel old. Even when my body says otherwise, I don’t think of its pains as signs of old age. The stinging pain in my left wrist when I knit is from years of wear and tear which led to arthritis. I’ve already had my right thumb joint reconstructed. Sounds gruesome but it wasn’t that big a deal, for me at least. I’m right-handed, so repair on the other side seemed inevitable. I’ll probably have it reconstructed following a few cortisone shots.

    If you’re astute, you’ve figured out that “years of wear and tear” absolutely happened because I’ve been on the planet for ages, ergo, I am aged. Things that are aged are, by definition, old. Some might say age brings improvement. But I am not a bottle of wine. And I don’t think of 66 as being particularly old.

    What drives home my age is realizing that I don’t have much more time to age. The inevitable result of continuing to live and age is that I will die. No, we never know when we will die, there being busses still on the roads and all, but I can say with certainty that I will probably die in the next two or two and a half decades.

    So, when my husband pointed out that Paul McCarney’s “Martha My Dear” was named for his dog, I realized time was running out on my dream of finally owning a small dog. I found it quite reasonable to say, “That reminds me, you have to get me a small dog before I die!”

    I officially retired in May 2024; it’s time to bring out the bucket list. Except, the older one gets, the less the bucket can accommodate. There are only so many trips to Scotland/Denmark/China that I can afford. There are only so many books I can write and only so many cute little dogs I can love.

    My bucket is leaking time and the items on its list. I’ve started a book, but I probably won’t go to China; I’ve been twice already. Denmark might have to move to third on the list; great-great grandpa’s cousins will have to settle for meeting my father and older sister. Great-great-granddad sold away the family castle anyway.

    Scotland remains a dream, cost being the biggest factor. My ancestors are all from the same place, but not one easily reached. In fact, it’s only on maps because of nearby Pictish ruins left by people who lived in Scotland eons ago. Though the Pictish derivation of the word “pixie” has been discarded by many, I like the idea of being descended from a mysterious fairy folk.

    Whether I visit living relatives in Denmark or dead ones in Scotland will depend on many variables. I may or may not get to either. But I know one thing for sure: I am getting that damn little dog!